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I Like Family Restaurants the Best

October 27, 2012

I’m not one for fancy restaurants. I like simple places, chain places, family places. I like the good ol’ family vibe of a family restaurant… Macaroni Grill, for instance. Gotta love it. Gotta motherfuckin’ love it.

My favorite part about family restaurants is how they have big sheets of paper covering the tables and crayons and you can make doodles and stuff. I always doodle funny faces. It makes the people I’m with laugh a lot hahaha! Sometimes I doodle naughty stuff, like a cat and a mouse doing it. And then the waitress comes over (and she’s totally hot and you can totally imagine her letting you make her let you give it to her ’cause she’s all kinky like that and you know it) and she writes her name upside down on the paper. That’s right: fucking upside down on the paper. And not with one crayon but with two motherfucking crayons… like a pink one and a green one, something that contrasts nicely. And then you’re totally blown away ’cause how the fuck could she write her name upside like that? She must be one of those awesome chicks who’s both totally hot with the jugs and also digs the smarts. Then you start fantasizing about her…

Maybe you two could go out and get back to your fancy apartment and you’d get naked and she could write stuff upside down all over your body. Or maybe while you guys are doing the fucks she could be writing stuff upside down on the ceiling with a laser pointer while she rides you like a she-stallion. Ah, the fantasies…

Then the fantasies start to creep into reality and when it’s time to order, you accidentally slip into sex-time talk mode.

“My order? Yeah, you can take my fuckin’ order. ‘Cause I’m gonna give it to you. And you’re gonna take that shit, ’cause I’m totally gonna give it to you so hard. You ready? You think you can handle this big order? This big motherfucking, rock-hard order? Okay, listen up, open up your ears real wide for me, baby; spread those ear holes apart, ’cause here comes my mandingo of a man-order. Oh, you’re gonna love this, baby. You’re gonna remember this order for the rest of your life. Ain’t no other man gonna give you an order like this ever again. You ready? You want it? Yeah? You think you can handle it? I’ll have the double-bacon burger with a side of fries and a motherfuckin’ raspberry lemonade. Thank you.”

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